depression period

it wasn't a good feeling after doing something badly
at least it is bad to me
and it may affect any other people who i loves
some old stupid f**king attitude has appeared
ya...that's me but it is a old me i would say
i don't have such feeling such thinking don't know since when
at least i have not seen it for quite a long period
it doesn't judge by myself but also people around me
but it appeared recently without any acknowledgement
this is killing me
and it happens to happen on someone who i care most
which i have no1 to share with
thanks god i have found someone who understand my situation most
we talk about it
i think when you care about someone most
but you may easily hurt them most

i found i may have take things for granted when people treat me well
that is the reason why i said i should not have deserve anything
because it might makes me become worst than ever
i thought i have changed
and the one who i shared with have thought so
but seems like this things happen in between my blind spot
which i couldn't even see it clearly that things is really happening
until it is so bad which makes me so angry about myself
i really hate myself for being someone like that

ya,...someone have said that this is all i see in my world
it sounds like he predicts something and it is happening now
it isn't all but at least he is right that i really care about this stuff
i think i have been relying on my friend too much
specially my very best friend
someone who is more than a best friend *not lesbian ya*
which we couldn't find a word to represent it yet
since the day i am away
when i have nobody to talk to when nobody listen to me
and she is the only one who can understand what am i trying to say
what is really going on in my new life
my miserable and depression period
it seems fine all the while until the time which i didn't notice
my reaction that i'm being so selfish
that i only think about my own feeling
where i have neglected about hers

i always expect people who know me who understand me
know who i really was
which makes me really take thing for granted seriously
because they never ever angry when im over react
and they have been accompany me until where i am today
although all of us came from different background
but this is the way which bring us to be how we were today
because we appreciate things that we learn from each other
we share the experiences we had from different places and background
i should have treat them much better than what am i doing
i really wish that this is the alarm
which can wake me up ever
i really wish to tell you all i love you guys equally
i do care that's the reason why i need to wake up now
i should not have let the devil me to take control
i can be much better as someone does remind me of
thanks for listening and remind me that i am the good one
i wish i will return with the better me
is anyone supporting me out there??
do let me know
your supportive is the power which can push me over this barrier
i do appreciate that..........very much
i believe this is just something that i need to get over with
i'm sure you all out there are always there waiting for me
nothing can change our relationship
because we believe so