one day

i need a little getaway

by myself

for a short one

to somewhere nobody knows me

to somewhere without telling anybody

needed a rest so much

but what would i do when im alone

where can i go when im alone

yet im so afraid to be alone

ain't i??

but why would i needed a get away by myself??

i have no f**cking idea

how i wish i could be selfish

i wanted to disappear 

how i wish i never being created

how i wish i am brave enough to leave

because i know nobody cares

because i know i ain't aimportant

because i know nobody would wonder

if i could ever disappear

but what would i do??

and my only hope was my mum

i love her

and i never want her to worried

and yet i have been created

so this is my life although nobody cares

i need to be around wherever my mum does

there could be a day

where i would leave

without telling anybody

without knowing where would i go

i need to set my soul free forever

it was too tight inside

which i couldn't hold it anymore

i need to release

how would i??

because my life has no choice

not say someone force me to be

but at least i know

i needed to be

because i was given by this way

so i know i have the responsibility to do so

and i will do so til the end of it

i will never ever say regret

because this is my life

where i work hard for it

i choose to do it by myself

no matter who i am

no matter what i do

because i do it with a clear conscience

i know im doing it right

i choose to do it for the one i love

dear my only supporter in my life

my dearest mum 

~~**heart**~~

ps: tell myself to be happy because i want you to be happy

被挑起的痛

有些回忆

深存在心里

再怎么努力

再怎么不理

再怎么不想

其实它早已挥散不去

我们把它称为

癒合不了的伤痕

努力不回想

努力不提起

但一旦被挖掘

眼泪依然在打转

心依然会痛

因为曾经是那么努力

付出真心

没能得到回报没什么

可怕的是当心被糟蹋

心碎得掉落满地

再怎么弥补

伤痕依然清晰可见

爱情是如此

友谊依然如此

当心碎落满地

信心飘散而去

心里再也不会存在着相信

果然发现自私并不应有错

人应为自己而活

只有自己能为自己买得开心

伤痕无法被修补

设它为中心吧

让它成为警惕

好让自己不再犯错

让这伤痕累累的心休息吧

毕竟一切的一切太累人了

 别再触摸那伤痛

让它们安息吧

i know what i want

our life is full of emotions

we could be upset for this moment

we could be laughing later on

need not to be confuse

this is your life

you should know what yourself doing

you should know better than anybody else

what would you like in your life

you..your own is the one who should control your life

you need not to explain to everyone else

if a person who know you well

they shouldn't have say anything

they should have stay by your side

to support whatever you wanna do

to assist you to climb up high

i know what i want

i know what i am doing 

i know it best for myself

just stay with me

or wait me at the border

i wish i could have reach there all by myself

no matter how long it takes

no matter how much to pay

i know what's good for me

i know what i want

i want to achieve it by myself

just for once

at least something that i'm clear about

something that im looking for

i just wish to have no regrets in my life

you have your target

and i have mine

so let me do it if we are in the different path
do not stop me
same as i wouldn't stop you

go for yours

and i will go for mine

see you at the border someday!!

我懂得

其实我懂得

懂得我要的幸福

懂得我要的生活

不了解我的人们

无需给您解释

不认识我的人们

无需给您解读

这是我的人生

一切由我来操纵

这就是我

一个独立的我

一个自我的我

因为我懂得

生命由不得我操纵

但命运我可以更改

只要我相信

如果我愿意

但我从不排挤

我也很乐意与您分享我的一切

因为每个人都有属于自己的人生

每个人都有属于自己的故事

分享是我最大的乐趣

也是我快乐的由来

因为秘密只会带来痛苦

因为秘密只会带来更多的伤害

其实快乐可以很简单

只要我把一切看得不再重要

因为最重要的是当下我拥有

这才是最贴切的

不要因为得到快乐而追求

要因为你是你

所以快乐

让我们朝快乐前进吧

其实它就在你我左右

它从未离开过你我

what i stress on

honestly i know my body so well

more than anybody else

i wasn't born to be fat

i use to be skinny

but im not anymore

all my muscle became fats

and i look like auntie in the mirror

im sure it would be worst in real life

it could be over exercise when i grow up

and i stop for like 2 years??

i got slim down before collage

and i gain when im getting use to collage life

mamak food, un healthy food all the time

the worst started when i broke up with my ex

a friend of mine taught me a way

which is to enjoy eating when upset

i thought it works

and it never turns back ever since then 

i tried so many ways to stop

i was a while i slim down a little

but it will never maintain anymore

and i gain weight after i started flying

most of the reason because

the timing we eat is very unstable

and also our sleeping time

my metabolism wasn't good 

because i use to be very picky on food when i was young

so it was very bad til now

coz it was too late to cure

even though i do my very best to eat healthy food

i tried to exercise but it's only helps to firm up

but it isn't what i want

i need to lose the stuburn fats in me

which i build up when i work out in the past

i have asked the professional before

exercise is a good way to lose weight

but we will never know the fats in our body

the healthy way is to lose the fats and not the weight

the weight is not a sign to tell whether you are fat

instead the BMI is the correct way of calculations

although i am not overweight in that

but i am still far away from my expectation

i wanted to turn back

to be the who i look like when i was 18

before meeting him,...before collage

trust me,...never try to eat to cure sadness

it was the NO NO way

it happens to me

so don't make this happen to you

it's time for me to do something

not just exercise

but more than that

help me if you love me

im so damn damn upset, depress and stress about this

i have lost all my confidence honestly

don't lie to me if you treat me as your friend

we know what are fats

you guys just don't wish to hurt me as a friend

sometimes i do use that to be a joke

because i don't want others to embarrase me

i rather im the one who tell others 

i know about that

i don't need you to tell me

and by heart i care

it hurts,....i do care and mind what others said to me

i did try....but it wouldn't stay

some people just don't understand why i refuse to do exercise

not to refuse

is just truth that we need to lose the fats before we firm 

maybe some lighter exercise would help

maybe a little of cardio would helps

but still i prefer some healthy way 

like to more effort on food

until i feel lighter 

so that to go for heavier exercise for body firming